This post might prolly sum up everything about my love for a beautiful woman. Or rather, a lady. Then again, the keyword is might cause I may miss a thing or two about you.

Back then in 2009, I first knew you on Tagged and we met. Who would believe this fairytale that if you find the right one on Tagged, you will succeed. It was also a period of time whereby I never knew that Commonwealth exists in Singapore. Right, an estate where you lived with you grandparents. And there goes, a real beautiful girl that I immediately set my eyes and heart upon. As you stood there still on the escalator down. Those pair of eyes, those curls, those brows and that very cute little t-shirt of yours. I never imagined myself to ever meet a dream girl.

The phase of trying to get to know you was tough. It feels like we belonged to two different worlds and it was just difficult of you to let me in. I tried, and again I prolonged that friendship of ours. Love developed. For a start, as a friend. And then for a bestfriend. Till the later part, as a lover. In simple words, I've never really stopped loving you up till this minute and I guess I never will either. You were attached. I wonder how did I get by those moments. It felt like my heart got crushed the moment I knew that you were someone else's. I had no control over your life and okay, I told God I'm gonna accept that.

All I wanted was to be around you. In case you never knew, I skipped school to just be near you. Not be near you just cause I skipped school. Clementi is only another two stops away from Commonwealth. I would have gone to school if I wanted to. I was daily from Tampines why would I wanted to take advantage of your place. Still, you mistook my intentions and never let me in.

2010 was a little challenging. I got attached to another, I never wanted to disclose it to you. All cause I wanted to assure myself that no, I'd rather lie than disclose it to this person because yes I like you that much and all I ever wanted was be with you. Hurt came in. You went missing, changed your number, and all the other ways possible to go missing. I kept asking time and again where did I go wrong. My health turned bad that period of time, life became a lot more than just complicated. My mum was suspected of kidney infection. One leads to another.

I had school. I had work. Still, I choose to keep reminding myself, I want to be with you.

IAP came. I was working in a hotel, I just had to go find this missing person. You had your downfall, you kept mum, I wondered why. I could have been there for you. I will be there for you. Cause I really like you. One way or another, I owe your aunt for showing me the way to your place. I just got my car license and hey! I was that excited to share the joy with you. I never knew you lived in Jurong West instead of Commonwealth. I came down but you weren't that excited to see me. Still you never let me in.

That very same year you met a guy. A guy who happened to be my ugly senior back then in secondary school. A guy whom you fell in love deeply. A guy who set my heart breaking for disclosing both your relationship on a wonderful morning at Geylang Serai! I felt cheated, I don't blame you. I never will. I'll always be there for you, that was my promise, and I did. Conspiracy, drinks, clubs, getting drunk, all in one. I solely remember how you cried on my shoulder that night. That was also the night I told myself, I will make you mine, and I'll never hurt you the same way this guys did.

So I put in all I could to prove to you that I am the one. I don't know how many guys I outbeaten back then. January 2011 was too beautiful. Too beautiful a memory on the day I made you mine. I took that risk. It'd be a shame if you rejected me though. I step on that chance. There goes, I'm a sucker for expressions so I wrote you that little note. Since that very day, I never felt any happier and loved in life. Thank you for accepting me.

Our relationship was one hell of a roller coaster ride. I probably failed as partner. I had bad people around me and an apology can never deplete those hatred in your heart. When I had that second chance, I really thought I did. I'd risk anything for you. Even if it means costing my life. Forgive me for the wrong things I have done. But this love for you, is just something I'm not ready to let go of. If ever you think and relate, I'd rather swallow hurt by you than you getting mad with me. I miss the Hasheezah I've always knew. Are you still not going to ever let me in even as a friend?

I love you sayang. If you're ever reading this, sometimes I really wish I'm born a man. Even if I can give you all the love I have and all the things you need, I can never give you a family. I'm probably the selfish one for loving you too much. But you'd prolly be the selfish one if you just wanna throw me out just like that..

One thing for sure, you're irreplaceable.

This is by far the most hurtful and loneliest birthday ever. I'm not gonna forgive myself. Nor will I ever be able to move on with a life full of regrets. All I can say is, I really need you back in my life cause I truly love you. Please complete me once again. Just once again. :'(

I'm afraid of losing you. I'm feeling the distance. I'm scared I'd lose you forever. I really hope you would find the missing piece soon. 

I'm living a moment full of regrets right now. I wish you could see it. A love too strong, a love too long that no one can ever take your place. We've had so much. I'm all alone right now. I wish I could beg for your forgiveness, I really wanna make things right again. I neglected your feelings, I've hurt you time and again. I feel it now, a hurt too deep that I never once cared. It might probably be too late for me already. I wish I could see you again. Please forgive me. Forgive me for all the hurt that I've put you through. A hurt that I couldn't face like a strong woman unlike you. It feels so empty, without you by my side. I'm terribly sorry. I know words might not take you in into forgiving me right now but I'm ready for a change. A change to make you happy once again. Tears defeated me time and again. I'm too weak. I'd do anything to win your heart just once again. February, why are you so mean to me? I miss you my love. I just needed to be around you. My apologies if that's haunting you. It's so cold here, I'd wish I die earlier. Die in the arms of your love wrapped all around me. You've never been this cold, you've never ignored me this bad like a stranger. I'm understanding your hurt. But I really wanna mend the broken promises, the broken you, and the broken us. I wish I'd open my eyes a lot earlier. I fail to see that you've been by me all these years. I fail to appreciate your presence by my side and I'm regretting them all now. I'm madly in love with you too. Right up to this moment, you know that it's true. Please come and see me, please come to see me. I really need you. I'm going around places all troubled alone. I wanna make you smile, and laugh again together. Woodlands Waterfront felt nothing without you, and now ECP too. I'm all alone, but I'm accepting it. I tried fighting all this, but I really can't cause I really am in love with you. I'm begging you, please return. I really need you. 

Now I've got nobody. I even lost you. I'm extremely sad. Oh God just why? </3

I miss you my blog. I've got so much kept in my heart. I'm sad and I've got no one.

"Please read this first. Everything of it.

I did not use you. We cannot be going on like this almost every single day. I cannot see you grow that anger and hatred in you even more each day on me for the past. I love you. Too much in fact. More than anyone else. More than myself even. I don't want you to waste another year with me anymore. I never asked for a breakup. I'm fulfilling your needs because i know how much you will be happier not having me around. The feeling of being scared and a coward towards you grew in me even more each day. I did not fulfill my responsibilities as a good partner. And i will never be able to. Ever. I've seen that way too long ago. Right from where the argument started. I've been trying to prevail this relationship because i know of how much hurt that i've caused you. I chose to avoid that we are just forcing this relationship. I left not because i stopped loving you. But it's because i know you need that space. That peace of mind for not having me around, anymore. You'll be happier. Much happier in fact. I learnt a lot throughout this almost two years. You've done a good job as a partner. But i'm just hurting you every single day. And i don't want to keep breaking that fragile heart of yours. Our characteristics doesn't match. I will always got to accept that."