astraytramp-

2012-01-01T00:00:00.000+08:00

Blessed 2012 :)

2011-10-07T17:44:00.002+08:00

It's been long since I held on to this grudge. It's been long since I last break down for life. Just today, it has come to my greatest extent that I cannot tolerate a heartless whore like you anymore. Apologies for my language but it's still not equivalent to the hurt you've caused. To both me and my partner. In life, it's fine to give your opinions to others. Or rather, general remarks. But when unnecessary sarcasm or inconvenient comments comes in, it's time to react. It may or may not be a sensitive issue here but when history keeps repeating itself, time for a whack in your face for you.

I've always been the bad girl, the really bad girl judging from my looks. If only you realise how much sacrifice I've made. Never once, not even once in my life, I spit my words without thinking. Just so that I do not hurt your feelings. In life, I have my say over my life. That's my right. And you, fucking do not have the stand to look down on it or negatively judging myself through what you see. You come and talk to me. I'll give you one thousand and one reasons why I don't wanna be at home. It's all because of you! I don't have wealth but you can't take my happiness away. I don't have money but I have love. You're not happy cause I'm happy. You can't accept my life cause I have what you don't. You've been rude. I'm only being rude. I hope you note the difference. I've deleted you of my iphone. I've deleted you of my mind. I hope this is final. You fucking go and get a life.

I wanna cry. I really do. What wrong have myself and my girlfriend done towards you to be deserving this?! If you can give me one good reason, I'll shut my mouth. Fact is, you don't. Just so you know, you've stolen away my family away from me. Thank you very nice.

You've hurt me. You've hurt my girlfriend. On behalf of the most heartless woman ever on Earth, I'm sorry girlfriend ♥

2011-09-29T09:54:00.003+08:00

I've made a mistake. It takes me a long while to discover this but just today, I realised that I haven't been a good girlfriend. Haven't been a good girlfriend to be able to protect my lady well and not hurt her. Matters of the heart remain speechless. I admit, it was my wrong. My wrong to have said as such and hurt you.

My days are spent with you. Not just my days but my nights too. I thought I have built the foundation of this relationship well but yet again, I realised that I did not. I fail to do so. I'm sorry. I tried to change, I'm still trying. But then again, I realise that my try wasn't hard enough. I wanna be there, I wanna be with you all the time. I thought we could give and take and a lot more awaits us in time to come.

When I made you mine, I told myself to provide you with the best. No matter what circumstances comes along the way, I just want to provide with you the best. Because I know those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. I created this space in my heart only for you to fit in. I never thought of having anyone else besides you in me. Never. Not even once that came into my mind. I wanna be the one, the one to hold you strong.

I'm sorry Hasheezah Sarfina. I'm sorry sayang for failing to take good care of your feelings. If you're gonna mention about not being a good girlfriend, then it has got to be me. I'd understand if very much if you are not able to forgive me right now, at this point of time. I just want to let you know, just in case if you are reading this, or anyone who's reading this matters, I'm sorry! I let you in to my heart. I'm not gonna let you leave just yet.

Because I believe, I believe that we have a long way to go. I love you Hasheezah Sarafina. Even before we got together, I have been loving you. It's been two long years. And this two long years, is still not enough to cover up for all the mistakes I've done to you.

I'd pray each day for you to come back to me. I'll be waiting my dear. Just as much as these tears go away, that's how my love for you will never go away.

I'm sorry. ♥

2011-07-23T12:33:00.003+08:00

I thank God for meeting you, my love. ♥

2011-07-12T11:23:00.005+08:00

So my last update was roughly two months ago. As much as I don't wanna update, I don't wanna let my blog go dead too. It'd be a waste that way. We fought a lot lately. Something that saddens me. Just so you know, we are still standing strong and we became stronger after every other argument. Watched Transformers III 3D the other day at Jurong Point with bbygirl and I enjoyed it. Salutes that cute Bumblebee!

So yesterday was the eleventh and it's our seven months long being together. I'd like to thank my girlfriend for everything that she has done for me all this while. I wanna apologise too, for all the mistakes that I've made. I love you my only one, I really do. No more words could describe how strong my love is for you bbygirl. Please don't leave me. I would go mad if you do.

Cousin has decided to buy herself a Canary bird that has been noisy all night long. Worst, it's out of the cage! Kuku-kuku. Lol. This, I really got to complain. I've got no privacy with Malaysians in the house. A lot of problems has got to be faced. At times, I really wanna let all the people know, how much distractions has this no-relative of mine caused. For now, I'm hungry. I really am.

PS: My girlfriend is obsess over Michelle Phan. Hekhek!

2011-05-18T17:00:00.002+08:00

Rinduuu. ♥

2011-05-17T04:03:00.002+08:00

My blog has been two months dead. And so I have decided to blog again. Life's tough. But who live life with no problems. Glad to know, we're already five months together. And next month, would be two years of knowing each other. I don't deny that during this relationship, I got to put up with a lot of other challenges. But then again, it's just a nice feeling to know that I'm not facing life alone. I'm glad I have her with me.

Competition in four days time and you got to put up with my tight schedule. I'm sorry baby but I believe we'll go through this calmly. I'm missing you and this is true.

PS: I've got no more ideas for long blog posts. Tell me what's the purpose of this blog when I'm living life happily with girlfriend?

Adios.

2011-03-08T09:27:00.001+08:00

True love starts somewhere, no one but you. ♥

2011-03-07T08:19:00.000+08:00

If you think I'm born a bum, I'd request you be more vigilant and understand what I've been doing the past years in life. And if you still think that I'm a feckless chap, just see where you are coming from. Life never thought me to be rude, so you speak our common language. Given a choice, just tell me who wants to end up failing? Just who, I doubt so anyone would. I'm not taken aback by your words, nor am I down to Earth by living life off by my savings. No matter how you think I'm that naive, apparently I'm not. Just mature enough to be able to think, I have a life to lead too and like any others, I'm imperfect. And just in anyone's eyes, just good is not enough. When you've got my best, you tell me.

I have my flaws too. Sometimes, it feels like I want to stay in my bed and never get up. Just like how any other guttersnipe out there do. Still sensible enough to be able to think, I'd be awake to serve proper respect to any others out there. And I just have got to share how much I dislike disgracious behaviour. Like how you've hit someone by accident and not apologising? That's just how the whole situation is like, just the same level of frustration. The only thing I could do by easing myself is to know that things just have to happen. They say road rage kills, so I shall say forget it.

I'm a weak lady at heart. Before I'd offend this post to anybody, I'm sorry. Just like you, I have feelings too. When you know it takes just a snap on your finger to lose the one and only utmost important person in your life, you would fear. I fear saying a single wrong thing, I fear making a single wrong step. For for any wrong single move, I know we would no longer be seeing each other. And that's when the pain of aggrieve comes in. You're just too perfect in my eyes still. No matter how wrong things are done, or how one would've overlook a situation, I'd excuse you. My dying adulation for you matters. Like any other, I deserve a chance to be taking care of you too. Sharing of dreams together may be intricate, but I believe that it can happen.

I've got your back, and you know you've got mine too. If I were given a chance to write an essay on my life, there will be you in it. I'd be lying if I say we don't argue. I'd be lying if I say you're out of my mind even for a single second. Because in me, there's you. Sometimes, it feels like I can't see you out of my sight at all. These feelings are true, anything for you. Just anything to make this whole armour true. I want to make us happen, for as long as I can do. No one calls me by my full name like you do. It sounds just like the perfect lullaby. I love you, and this is true. I thank you for being with me, I thank you for this simplicity.

2011-02-26T05:54:00.001+08:00

Baby, I've hurt myself by hurting you. Please come back. Just this once, baby please don't go ♥

2011-02-21T18:29:00.003+08:00

I'm sorry ♥

Sesungguhnya tewas menghadapi malah ku akui sepi menghantui,

Paling tidak berilah peluang ku berterus terang,

Adakala ku rasa teringin bermesra denganmu bagai waktu dulu,

Tapi bilakah semua ini akan jadi pasti, kasihani diriku.

2011-02-14T02:22:00.006+08:00

Bb I love you ♥

You're the best thing that ever happened in my life.
Happy Valentine's Day. Trust me, this is the first time in my life.

2011-02-11T23:55:00.002+08:00

Just know that you're not in this thing alone,

There's always a place in me that you can call home,

Whenever you feel like we're growing apart,

Let's just go back to the start.

Trying to get to know you was one of my hardest moments in time, what more to know that we were more than just complicated in life back then. We fought, we argued, more than one could ever imagined. It was none of my will to ever create a scene with you for you know how much we've been through. If you ever think that I'm here to play out on you then think again from where we started and if I've ever gave up on you. Not even once that we are through for from the bottom of my heart, yes I do love you. If you are asking me the question between love and lust that you rate it yourself whether is it love or lust that I'm looking at between the both of us. In me, I seek for opportunities to share my life with you cause you are my girlfriend and that I am in love with you. If ever for once, you mistook my words and took it to heart please do forgive me. I do not scold you for no reason nor do I increase my tone as and when I want to. I really think that sooner or later, it's time for you to come to a conclusion of what you really plan to do out of us. I really hope you do not bear grudges in future for when it all spills, they say pain is pleasure. My apologies but once again, please do not end this relationship over a moments' anger cause I don't see the perfect reason for you to leave me yet. I love you and I will always do Hasheezah Sarafina.

If you ever want to take a step back, please think of 17th June 2009.

2011-01-29T05:30:00.001+08:00

Be right back.

2011-01-04T04:57:00.002+08:00

& So I haven't been coming back home for nights. As long as I'm with you, I'm fine.

2011-01-03T23:48:00.002+08:00

In this tug of war you'll always win even when I'm right.

2011-01-02T01:45:00.002+08:00

Awesome piece! Easy come, easy go.

2011-01-01T06:19:00.001+08:00

Thank you for what you showed me, for what I learnt, for the friends I made, for the friends I kept and also for the friends I lost. Thank you for the places I’ve seen, the truths I have found out, the moments I will never forget, the people I will never forget. Thank you for the opportunities, for the challenges, thank you for the adventures. A thousand times thank you. But most of all, thank you for my life, thank you for my family.

Thank you 2010. Happy new year all!

2010-12-31T01:18:00.000+08:00

I make the most of what comes and the least of what goes. I'm not supposed to love you, I'm not supposed to care, I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there. I'm not supposed to wonder where you are or what you're doing, but I can't help it, cause I'm in love with you. Moving on is simple, it's what you leave behind that makes it so difficult. I’m going to smile and make you think I’m happy, I’m going to laugh, so you don’t see me cry, I’m going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me - I’m going to smile.

"So maybe I'm a masochist, I try to run but I don't wanna ever leave."

You won't realise how much you care about someone until that person no longer cares about you.

2010-12-16T23:42:00.002+08:00

Buat Wahana, Dek Bongu bernyanyi.

My next practical is tomorrow morning. Yet I'm not getting enough rest time and again. Oh, and I was born intelligent till education ruined me. Till then, I'm not giving in.

2010-12-15T12:47:00.003+08:00

It's been long, since I felt really good.

2010-12-14T19:14:00.000+08:00

Tumblr's crap. Haha.

2010-12-13T03:06:00.000+08:00

The way you look at me now makes me appreciate what I had. Now I'm never happy, I'm always depressed or somewhat sad. Our relationship was one of the best, it was so different it stood out before the rest. I sometimes wonder what went wrong while still sitting here, reminiscing this sad love song. I cant blame myself because I’ve been doing that all along. I thought we would be friends forever but it didn't last quite long. It was a couple months over a year and your trust was what I held so dear. You were the one I ran to when I felt lower than dirt, you always were there for me and because of you I didn't hurt. You always told me it would be okay, I didn't want to believe it but I realized it with each passing day. Being in your presence brought a smile to my face and now that you’re not here there’s an empty hole in my heart that no one can replace.

Just why the change after all these years? I don't miss you but I miss who you used to be.

2010-12-12T10:50:00.002+08:00

I'm back in Batu Pahat. I swear expressways here are killers. Drove at 150km/hr just to keep up with others speeds'. Aftermath, an extremely good experience time and again. Will be back in Singapore again, soon.

2010-12-11T01:58:00.002+08:00

Dad and mum has finally agreed to my motorcycle license. Getting the information across was my challenge. Thank God, I hope for a better tomorrow.

2010-12-10T23:38:00.000+08:00

Batu Pahat in a while. No idea when I will be back but another long good journey I hope. I've had a worthwhile experience this one whole week being in and out of the workshop. Since dad wanted me to be independent, there I was having learnt new things. Done with changing of tyres, thorough servicing, washing, waxing and polishing. I'm trying to start saving again soon. Once everything is at the peak again, I'm going to set everything back stably. For now, only God knows the situation that I'm in. Hope to get the spoilt reverse camera repaired at Malaysia tomorrow. God willing.

"Every time you feel like you cannot go on
You feel so lost and
That you're so alone
All you see is night
And darkness all around
You feel so helpless
You can’t see which way to go
Don’t despair and never loose hope
Cos' Allah is always by your side.."

2010-12-09T06:04:00.003+08:00

He's on TV3 right now. For the rest of my life, lovely.

2010-12-08T00:08:00.002+08:00

2010-12-07T22:34:00.000+08:00

I'm back from a good useless rush. So I wish I'd spend more of time out of the country but I guess not any sooner. To get rid of all the unwanted stress at the moment, I've decided to get back myself to past where everything feels so great.

Like I kept saying to cousin, "Mengimbas kembali kenangan lalu.."

Hence siblings, cousin and myself have decided to cycle and blade at ECP this last Sunday. It's been long but I'm certain that last evening was worthwhile. We came across a trishaw in conjuction of Merry Christmas for rent. Unfortunately, it was fully booked and that the shop will be ending it's business soon.

For that, hope to return the week after and have the whole same thing again. The very same night, went to Mustafa Centre with mother and siblings. Just to get Laksmana Do Re Mi. Yes, she's trying to live in the past too.

God knows, I'm dumbstruck here.

2010-12-05T04:54:00.003+08:00

It's your 38th Birthday today Kak Mas! I wish you long live and stay healthy always. You have been a great sister, advisor, role model, mum, leader, everything. Thank you for all that you have done and shared this past years.

& on this very same day, 2 years ago, Abang Hishum left us. Abang, time flies. It's still too soon to realise that you've left. Al-fatihah.

2010-12-04T23:38:00.001+08:00

This is my final shit. Die.

2010-12-03T23:29:00.002+08:00

I'm jobless and near to cashless. I'm at wits' end about school. Everything doesn't seem to go right. My shoes just won't fit. Why is financial a great issue here? I can't be bothered about a single cent yet it lingers in my mind almost near to every second.

I'm stuck with people going after me. Can I be the one going after you people? Damn, you suck. Just like those loansharks. Oh, you are.

I need help, cause soon I can't breathe any longer.

2010-12-01T00:00:00.000+08:00

Happy 23rd Birthday 2nd Sister! Stay healthy and all the best for your future endeavours. Have a great day ahead! We shall enjoy tonight's dinner! Heh.

2010-11-30T04:42:00.001+08:00

One and only, Happy 18th Birthday. I did this for your birthday but my laptop crashed just 2 days before your big day. So, I'm posting this only tonight. Take care, love.

2010-11-20T03:55:00.004+08:00

& I had another incident of nightmare yesterday. Life ain't a game and now I see how precious it can be. Perhaps I'm too excited for the day ahead that I can't sleep. Just maybe, I was thinking too much when on road just now. Heard a hit and I thought it was my boot. Shall put all negative thinking aside.

What shall I wear for later? Hmm...

2010-11-19T05:49:00.001+08:00

I shall expect something new, and something different this year. To my one and only team that has kept me ongoing.

-Wahana Deksu turns 17th!

2010-11-18T23:37:00.000+08:00

I’m ‘bout to change my vibe
Today the sun’s gonna shine
‘Cause I made up my mind
That today will be the start of better days…

Leavin’ old shit behind
And move on with my life
The blindfold’s off my eyes
And now all I see for me is better days…

2010-10-26T02:40:00.006+08:00

Extracted the second picture from my Twitter account. Current location, Johor Bahru, Johore. I think I'm cooler this way. My blog is dead at the moment. I've lost my ideas to pen down my thoughts. I'll be back, after all hassles and problems solved. Too much thinking to do. And sorting out of my financial stability. Stresseddd.

2010-10-17T02:32:00.008+08:00

Just in case you don't keep track of dates, I do. Just in case you feel that I no longer love you, I do. Just in case you do not know how much I miss you, I do. Just in case you don't feel it, I miss us. Yes, I really do.

We never had any arguments nor fights throughout a year and four months of having each other. I've lost you to numerous number of guys, I do not know what to do. As much as I want to let you know how I feel, I'm afraid my thoughts would mislead us to something really unwanted. I treasure the relationship that we share. No one knows how weird and complicated our status is. Absolutely no one.

I believe what I see and I believe, till today I trust you to my fullest ability. Just why have you changed? Just why? I'm not selfish. That is why I'm not jealous. And yes baby, I will never be. I don't need to keep reminding you how much I love you and miss us. Cause I know, you will feel it on your own some day.

I've tried to catch you back like before, but I do not know what else do I need to do to make you stay. I'm not giving up because I'm a loser. Nor do I stop trying to prove that I'm heartless. But it's because I know you deserve a man, someone whom can show you happiness. I've always been giving in and I know I will always do. I've tried hard enough but I still fail not to make you go away.

I love you, Hasheezah Sarafina. I really do.

2010-10-15T17:16:00.003+08:00

Life is unfair. I don't remember giving the car any scratches. I don't remember not refilling the petrol each time I use the car. I don't remember not paying for the road tax and cause all my little earned pay gone just like that. I don't remember not paying for my own driving lessons back then. I don't remember not paying for my own driving license. I don't remember not going to places using own transport throughout my whole life. I don't remember someone fetching me from work/school in my entire own life. Because why? I'm your only independent child! I'm not trying to be any calculative here but don't put the blame on me for something I've never done! It's just not my pride! Period.

2010-10-14T23:17:00.002+08:00

Cause I miss us. Just like how I miss everything in life was once so good.

2010-10-10T03:36:00.003+08:00

I love you just the way you are. Just where are you right now? Happy birthday, Nik Fazly. I miss you, I really do.

2010-10-06T13:05:00.002+08:00

Thank you, loves.

2010-10-03T17:34:00.003+08:00

Just as planned, he wore white too. This boy here, is love.

2010-10-02T22:36:00.001+08:00

Beraya bersama Wahana! ♥

2010-09-28T22:15:00.003+08:00

I've had a good and worthwhile day spent today. Woke up early in the morning just to get my ass off to the doctor's. And I think 4 days of medical leave is just more than enough for me to have enough rest. Off to the bank with mother cause she needs accompany to get her account balance. Next was CPF building for her to get the statements too. It's been long I last went out with her. Literally, just her. The only difference is that she walks so much slower and needed support all along. All the documents are needed to get her subsidy of medical fees. At the rate that things are going, more than $500 of medical fees is too much for the family to handle.

Visited aunt at cousin's place just now. Too bad, she was working that we didn't manage to meet. So the plan was to meet during evening just now. But as usual, we didn't have the chance to do so. After so long, mother took the train with me and we headed home. It's been years, really long years since she traveled on a public transport. Oh well, what's her license used for then? Slept throughout my evening till night. I'm tired. Really sick and tired. Was awakened by Diy's message. I'm so going to drop by Pasir Ris tomorrow, I hope. I love my classmates okay. I really do.

So if you think your family is the only one that's facing problems, kindly think back and reflect.

2010-09-27T18:03:00.001+08:00

Worked the past days. And for that, I haven't been feeling well. Just so you know that it's the third time of the month that I'm running a bad diarrhoea, a very bad one indeed. It's just too painful for me to take it that at times, it felt like my intestines are going to drop off my anus at any point of time. Oh heck, I'm home earlier than any other days. So I guess I won't be working tomorrow cause I need to see the doctor pretty much. Now that the F1 period is over, I hope store's crowd gets back to normal. Talking about work, I'll be starting attachment pretty soon so a farewell goodbye to all. I hope to get my footsteps on the grounds of Hotel Re! as soon as possible cause HR Joyce has been asking me about it the past few weeks. It's just my laze to move around.

Training resumes this Thursday. Just in case you happened to be reading this and you are interested in joining Dikir Barat (Wahana Deksu), kindly revert back to me at my tagboard. But my warn to you is, if you think you are going to go funny at any point of the time, then better don't. I'm not interested to have you in my group either. I get pranks all the time, and I personally feel that it's notorious act. Jangan hangat-hangat tahi ayam. Everyone dislikes that in life. With that, all Jalan Raya plans has been settled by me. And 26 Deksus has confirmed their attendance. Do join us! 2nd October, Bedok CC Annual Raya Show. Tickets selling at $5 each. See you.

2010-09-26T21:42:00.003+08:00

As a human being, I understand that life is not an easy one to go through. With lots of problems to face, a lot of things to juggle at one go, perseverance is needed much. It has got lots of courage for one to take up. I'm not saying that I'm strong. But I'm not going to say that I'm weak either. Just like any other, I'm a lady who has a heart. I may be bold for what has happened, but at the same time I've been defeated inside. Been insulted too much that indeed, I felt like it was a disgrace to myself. At times I wonder what have I done and what can make all the silence and weird feeling off my shoulder. I'm not trying anything funny here. Nor do I have anything mischief up on my sleeves.

I didn't give up on life but it gave up on me before I could even portray what is there ahead of us or all the complications that has been happening to us. If you are going to talk about my ego here, then I hereby admit that indeed, my ego is there. And that it's bigger than yours. But have you ever thought why am I being this way? No, I'm not saying that I'm a bad one not to give you any chance or what not. But all the opportunities that has been given all this while, have you got the courage to even take them up? Why not? I don't blame anyone for anything. But just the way it is, you got to accept anything and everything willingly. Even separation. I never said that I've stopped loving you. But then again, love itself is not enough. So if you think that you've lost my love and that's the reason we are not getting back, then you are at wrong. I'm doing this because I want to evade everything off my life.

Don't you dare say that I'm a kacang lupakan kulit cause I'm not. I still know where I'm coming from and that afterall, I still eat belacan at home. What come may, I thank you for what has happened. And I thanked all the memories that we once created. Because of all that has happened, I'm picking myself up again and move on to a better route. We started of as friends so we remain as friends. You've done your part, I've done mine. What's more that is not enough? To conclude, it's this ego too that made us move on (I hope). I don't want you to cling onto the past anymore. Because everyone is given to see a bright future that awaits them.

2010-09-25T22:08:00.000+08:00

Huhu..

2010-09-24T15:17:00.005+08:00

They say stop smoking cause it kills but even without smoking, it's already killing me. How? But the heart doesn't tell lies even if the mouth does right?

Sexy love, we're gonna meet first thing in the morning tomorrow and I'm going to cuddle you tight again, just like tonight.

I sukerrr!

2010-09-23T00:08:00.000+08:00

Told you I won't be able to forget them all so easily.

I'm exactly one week away from TP. Wish me luck, may the prayers be with me cause I need the license pretty much.

2010-09-22T23:14:00.003+08:00

I remember that night, the night that brought us glory, victory and a sense of accomplishment. Thank you Wahana Deksu. It simply saddens the current generation to see half the team leaving. Nevertheless, I had a tremendous experience fighting the battle with them.

2010-09-21T23:45:00.003+08:00

Now I'm in this condition

And I've got all the symptoms

Of a girl with a broken heart

But no matter what you'll never see me cry

And maybe, just maybe, my ego is bigger than yours as of separation.

I've been coughing and sneezing like some girl full of virus since morning. Hence, I brought the flu bug to work as a result. I wasn't able to go out for Raya with my companions cause of work. Anyway, it was cancelled due to some last minute plans. I can't wait for attachment to start. I need more income for my studies. Intensive basics training resumes this Thursday. Another cycle to start of with. And maybe, just maybe, I will go back to my past. Since you don't deserve my best, than you should try to deserve my worst.

My mind is made up, and no one changes it. In the first place, your mistake was to challenge me.

2010-09-20T18:00:00.003+08:00

I feel like a big time sleeping log after having awake only at this hour. -Grins- Worked and drove for lessons since early morning. Hence, my late night sleep was only for a few hours. For 'pay back time', I slept since about 1pm just now. Training again in a few days time for another Raya Show, this time round, the annual one that Bedok CC organises anually. Tickets sold at $5, available at all Bedok RCs or Bedok CC itself.

All percussion instruments are at my place. Hence, I'll need help to move it over in a few days time. Woke up with about 11 miss calls from people. Wonder the search of cousin for me. Perhaps Raya-ing tomorrow with the loved ones. Most probably, a yes. And yes, it will only be my 3rd day of Raya outing. Pertaining to that, I'll be on public transport! Amazingly yes.

So much in mind about my life yet so little things to say out. Since I'm done with ITE Education, I will be registering for Adv. Diploma some time after I graduate and further up my studies from there. I wanted to chose Human Resources for my future but not after I reconsidered Hospitality Operations. To think of it, I have the basics so why start from scratch something I'm not familiarised with? I hope to graduate by 2012 and off I go to somewhere else, not Singapore.

I miss the old life so much that I feel like leaving back the old ways anytime now. I don't want to be saying so much about my plans because if it backfires, then I'm not practicing what I preached. Whatever it is, I believe that if I fail to plan then I will plan to fail.

Wish me luck for my TP next Thursday. I need it, much.

2010-09-19T21:12:00.003+08:00

Since I had a superb headache at work last night, I slept throughout the whole day to ease the pain. And fair enough, I'm well and fine once again. Had a show at Concorde Hotel the other day and it was a success. Thank God, the manpower saved me, saved the VPs and definitely, the team's seemingly effort.

Anyway, salam lebaran to all. It's been weeks and I'm only saying it now. But what come may, it's the thought that counts. For any mistake that I have done, do forgive my wrongdoings. Minal aidil walfa' izin. And to whom who hasn't take notice, I've changed number. By all means, you may delete the previous one.

And yes, I have successfully completed all trainings at work. After two years of being in ITE College West, I'm therefore proud to announce that my course of ITE academics education has completed. Hence, I'm left with just the six months of attachment and my next stop, Diploma. Its been a long wasted journey of my life but still, I thank ITE for the tertiary development it has given me.

I've got no plans for the upcoming week. Just work, moreover it's the F1 period. And for that, I decided to put just opening for my schedule. I dislike late night work and closing shifts. It simply tires me out the very next day.

In case you are wondering about my life progress, I shall choose not to talk about it. The hurt is too much. And the cruelty, is for us to keep.

The aftermath, I love my life just the way it is.

2010-09-15T01:32:00.003+08:00

How can I sing my gratitude and explain my silent sea. Approximate in words the gift that you have been to me? How can I show my love to you which elucidate that golden drift, rolling wild and free?

Courage is not the absence of fear, but simply moving on with dignity despite that fear.

2010-09-14T02:06:00.005+08:00

Whenever you’re in doubt, remember times like this, and that I love you, and everything will be okay.

2010-09-13T20:24:00.000+08:00

I don't make promises, cause I know I don't fulfill them.

2010-09-04T06:52:00.001+08:00

I’m starting to trip. I’m losing my grip. And I’m in this thing alone.

2010-08-20T16:57:00.003+08:00

You were so healthy and so fat back then where everything was so fine. You had no other illnesses except for Hypertension. You never skipped work, not even once. Yet you still fall sick and requires admission. It's so sudden yet everyone has got to be strong. A perfect smile just for you, though everything in life seemed so wrong. You got to get well soon cause the family still needs you. And it hurts us even more to see you suffer, even worse than before.

When I was first borne into this world, the first person I saw was you. And you, are the first woman whom I've kept in my heart. I forgot all my avenge and anger each time I know you care. Yet I still break your heart at times though you never blamed me for any of my wrong doings. You never beaten me up before, not even a slap on my face. And yes, no one can ever compete with you in my life.

Senyumlah ibuku, engkaulah wanita termulia bagiku.

2010-08-19T23:11:00.003+08:00

I'm not proud of ITE Choa Chu Kang. No doubt that I'm missing ITE Clementi. At the same time, I'm excited for IAP. Random shit, bye.

2010-08-18T09:21:00.000+08:00

Hello new environment. Hello Starbucks at OF. I got to be good and adapt fast. Let's not give this up. I need this badly, just for the family.

2010-08-17T06:28:00.000+08:00

I'm late by nearly a week. But it doesn't matter. Happy fasting to all Muslims! ♥

2010-08-11T23:48:00.001+08:00

It's not the words that make it final, you’ve said such things before to rival them, but it's how you say them now that's changed, cold but sympathetic all the same.

2010-08-10T12:14:00.003+08:00

I know I have to face the day when my mornings will not be as sweet when I’ll wake up and feel like something is missing and nothing is there. When you will be waking up next to someone else who isn’t me. Every day, I fear this morning is getting closer and every night I fall asleep, I sleep in hopes of dreaming that everything would be like it was before. But I can't get that chance because reality will not leave me alone. I will always have to confess one thing; nothing scares me more than loosing the person that I have always had by my side. At nights I’ll feel so alone and lost without you and maybe you'll be lonesome too.

I know I’m being selfish for wanting something I can’t have forever but I will always feel in my heart and in my soul that you belong to me no matter the distance no matter the place nor the time. My mornings are getting colder and my nights are getting restless. I will never stop thinking about the day I’ll have to say it, the day I’ll have to say goodbye. Unless you pick me up and don't let me lead astray, only then I will stay.

2010-08-09T22:59:00.000+08:00

Live our dreams, fly our flag. Happy Birthday Singapore!

2010-08-04T23:46:00.003+08:00

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

2010-08-03T17:15:00.000+08:00

2010-08-02T01:50:00.005+08:00

Maafkan aku andainya aku berdusta, ampunkan aku jika aku berdosa. Benar yang nyata di depan mata, namun hakikatnya berat untuk aku menerima. Bukannya aku ini bagaikan boneka, ditikam di mana sahaja tanpa rasa. Secara purata aku juga manusia biasa, inginkan ketenangan dan kebahagian yang sering dicurah. Apakah engkau mendengar apa yang hatiku berbicara, apakah engkau kelihatan peritnya luka yang harus aku melanda. Namun aku akui aku tabah, dan setitik airmata yang menitis, tidak akan engkau merasa. Tertakhta dijiwa aku ini bahawa Dianya istimewa. Dan hanya Dia juga, mampu berikan keadilan kepada semua. Segala keperihan akan tetap aku sembunyikan dengan hanya seikhlas senyuman.

Engkaulah ibu, hanya engkaulah satu.

2010-07-20T22:42:00.004+08:00

Rot and rot. Boo. All designing completed. Finally! Now I'm left with post evaluation report to complete. Which is definitely, only after the whole project event is done. I'll need to get my ass to City Square (Johor Bahru) this Sunday for all printings. Anybody want to tag along? Will be starting on Principle of International Commerce PBLs tomorrow. Let's just make this last semester happen. Though I know how bad my attendance has been. Going to concentrate on work thereafter. For now, let's just put everything on hold.

Mum went off to work without eating just now. And God knows how bad I felt about it. If only I knew she wanted to eat Indian's Fried Rice earlier, I would have gone to the market to get her one. However, due to time constrain, she has got to set off for work already. Let's just hope she grabs a bite at work tonight. S&W tomorrow. I really have got no idea where are my shorts. Oh well, it has always been the same Lin who gets her stuffs misplaced all the time.

College will end at 6pm tomorrow. Just like any other days, it's going to be a pretty long day ahead for me. Anyway, I received my SYOG work schedule already. Thank God I got Marina Reservoir. Work ends at 2pm each day. However, I'm pretty sure it's going to be a tiring period for me. What more to know that it's the fasting month. But I believe, He will be there all along to give me the strength and support needed.

For now, I'm hungry. Period. So let's get something to cook for supper. And yes, I'll be back for driving lessons pretty soon. TP is during Hari Raya. Can't wait!

2010-07-19T22:17:00.002+08:00

The start of a new week and I'm back to college again. I dislike the journey but I still love my class no matter what happens. Met Mash during break. Sure thing, I miss her much! Tests coming up and I'm trying my best to study. It's been quite some time since I last did a proper one. Oh well, who doesn't want to graduate with good results right? Wanted to lunch with Nurul but too bad, luck wasn't on our side. Tried to figure out the price of stud at Lot 1 but then again, too bad too that time doesn't permit.

Off to Tampines after school. Met cousin and it was definitely lovable. Had NDP training last Sat and back then too, I met her and Aju at Marina steps. What more could I ask for. Cousin blowing bubbles got me reminisce of the awesome childhood moments I spent with her. Al-Azzaq thereafter for Sheesha with siblings and cousins. It's been long since I had quality moments spent with my loved ones.

On top of that, Sister Sally and Wawan Says slept over my place last Friday. It was nice to have their company around despite all the unwanted moments that me may surfaced. That night too, was one of the undesired moment that I could ever ask for. Whatever come may the love stays within me and I figured out, we needed more time to search our souls and therefore, not that ready for a good relationship.

Wherever you are, just so you know that this is just the beginning to the journey. Leaving you does not mean I've stopped loving you. I just need more time and maybe, we should put a stop to all the hurt experienced all these while. Thank you for my every single second with you, thank you for everything. We will get back together if fate allows. For now, smile through the tears and we'll be fine. I still miss you much no matter what happens.

Cheers!

2010-07-18T05:04:00.000+08:00

The reason why I spent so much time in college.

2010-07-16T23:13:00.000+08:00

“There may be no greater inner agony than the loss of a relationship we desperately want.”

-Tim Keller, The Reason for God

2010-07-15T19:43:00.000+08:00

“Have you ever thought that if one thing hadn’t happened, a whole set of things never would have either? Like dominoes in time, a single event kicked off an unstoppable series of changes that momentum and spun out of control, and nothing was ever the same again. Don’t ever doubt that a mere second can change your life forever."

-Kimberly K. Jones

2010-07-14T22:40:00.005+08:00

For one moment I was asking myself how the hell do I ended up in the plight I'm in right now. Given a choice, I wouldn't have ended being whom I am today. And certainly, being a grown up teenager living with sins. Oh wait, who on this Earth does not make any mistakes. Or even, the crime of your own life? Asking myself which too many questions, till I myself do not seem to be able to figure out the answer.

To the person who has given me part of the heart and soul in the life, and cared so much about others before myself. To the person who lied so much just to cover up my precious heart from getting hurt. To the person who thought I'm to be kept in the dark and acted like nothing happen. To the person who would put friends above a partner. To the person who would simply act like nothing happen each time the battery goes flat. To the person who never sense any seriousness towards my feelings. To the person who would just reply an 'Okay.' when you texted a paragraph. To the person who compares so much between us. To the person who gets jealous too fast. & to the person whom I conclude never had given me the trust.

And yes, I still love. But then again, I keep asking myself just one question.

Egokah aku?

2010-07-12T02:15:00.003+08:00

"Setakat berkeluh kesah, sekadar meratap hiba..

Bukan deksu punya cara!"

Couldn't have asked for more. Stood by each other despite all the hurdles, Wahana Deksu remains a pembuka mata. Thank you, seniors. Thank you Deksus. Congratulations to ourselves for clinching the first place and winning Piala Senikata Terbaik.

2010-06-28T01:37:00.006+08:00

You did well by denying all this while. But you forgot that I mastered Information Technology (IT) & the internet since the age of 11 years old. You tried me well, but failed.

I've had a tiring week but I shall not complain cause I ended my week so well. Good night.

2010-06-19T00:13:00.009+08:00

I thought living off life without any grief, sadness or pain would be temporary. But then again, to think of it, I don't think that I'm strong enough to pull through this circumstance this time round. Being too judgmental right from the start was soon enough till this progression is hurtful enough for me to carry on. A tear shed day by day is not enough to ease the pain which is inevitable. However, it is always said that suffering is optional. With that, I choose not to go through suffer and ignore. Though ignorance is the best thing to do, it's not going to change any facts about life, about reality. I thought I was never alone in this world to be going through my sorrowfulness and sadness. A blessing in disguise, I am.

I never blamed anyone for not giving me enough care and concern. Cause I feel that I'm mature enough to lead things on my own. But then again, I'm not so perfect to be my everything. I still need to be in the care of someone, who could lead me well and face off my days with powerful kicks. Grew up in a total different world, I don't need friends to accompany me just the most important people around will do. Cause when I'm really in need, I know that friends won't be the one to rescue me. When tears of just laughter and joy, definitely. I'm not saying that I'm a true loner but indeed, facts about life. So lets just face it. If someday you are really in need, and have got no shelter to stay, would your friends be the one who would put up with you, provide you with all the shelter, food, and money you need? Obviously, a no.

What I'm going through is not for me to complain to the whole world, because I definitely do not need that. I don't need to live off being an attention seeker. For some reasons, I really think that sharing is not caring. Instead, it destroys one's relationship with another. Why not just the two who's going through, talk things out with each other? I do not need the whole world to be talking about our sour days and make me sound like I'm so bad. Irresponsibility, I don't think I ever have that in me. Maybe on some occasions, yes. Human nature, everyone has their err.

Whether or not we accept good or bad things that happen, it's to your own will. Life is all about making choices. And logically, change is the only constant. I tried advising and trying to make people understand the difference between good and bad. Only to realise that I do not make the person to do this or that. The aftermath is still coming back to making your own decision. Reminiscing the past, I'd say that I miss it much. Where I feel that everything was so perfect. And the pieces of news that I have been receiving of late never did arrive to my doorstep. I'm not trying to hit anything off here. I will just keep praying that the most courageous one would pick me up again since I have fall. Not, fall together with me.

Just because her eyes don't tear doesn't mean her heart doesn't cry. And just because she comes off strong, doesn't mean there's nothing wrong.

2010-06-06T18:21:00.002+08:00

Last night's show at the open space next to Yishun MRT Station was a success. Though we were shorthanded, with the Deksu spirit, we made it through. Thank you to those who were present. See you next training. Sunday is too much of a bore for me. Went to training room just now to clear up here and there since it was such a mess and didn't want precious accessories to go missing. Percussion last night was just the rebana and gong canang. With that, I brought home rebana for some self practice at home. A one night stand to learn new beats is certainly not possible.

Marina barrage till about 4am last night. Sigh. The kite managed to fly up high though. Awesome. By the time I got home, I was already extremely tired. Maybe because the whole day was occupied. Ten minutes to two facing the night skyline. Someone took me away but returned just my soul again in the day. For now, I got to study for ECM re-test tomorrow. Too much for me to handle. But this challenge, I got to make it through. Though it's not the least easy.

Seriously, is there someone who can teach me rebana well? I wish.

2010-06-05T12:25:00.002+08:00

It's intensely disheartening to know that members are betraying the team with lies. Even more saddening to know that the love for the team is no longer there when everyone has been treated fairly well and equally right, showered with all the love and care we used to share. As the saying goes, “There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results.” With that, I realised that all this while it's only left to interest, passion, for the majority. As much as it's degrading one down, I respect everyone's decision to be there for the team or not. So the aftermath is, it's okay.

Show later today at 7pm for Malam Kebudayaan, situated next to Yishun MRT Station. I'll be there. To support Wahana Deksu, do drop by for our performance. Anyway, yesterday's NDP training was introductory, getting to know one another. Since it's under People's Association this time round, dikir barat does not make up a big team unlike last year. Hope the choreographing will be much better. Whatever come may, at the end of the day, everyone will be walking out with utmost joy and laughter. Oh, and it will be held at the Padang for this year.

Cousin and Khairullah came over late night yesterday. Nothing much to perceive because it's already midnight hours. Kimo dropped by too. And it was by time, the wee hours. Slept at about 5am. It's been long since I stayed up too late a night. Training is at 4pm later today. Won't be free the upcoming weeks. Heck to those who think so highly of themselves. And of course, if you think you want to be so selfish, go far away from me. Not needed.

2010-06-04T14:55:00.005+08:00

I'm away from school. Physically because I'm unwell. NDP training tonight and off to Tampines. Lunch this just was awesome. But then again, house is in a mess such that kitchen is under renovation. Packet food all day and there's no drink for everyone. What a day. Going out earlier today to meet Kak Aishah. Bugis shall it be then. Orchard the past days made everyone goes hoopla over their expenses. Since it's the GSS period, what more to expect. Let's think business instead.

For now, I'm definitely going to master percussion immediately after Mega Perdana Finals 2010. & to make it happen, I've set my target that I'm going to master them within the next six months. Let's make my dream happen. A dikir barat percussion certified instructor some day. Who wants to stay stagnant? I want to go for. So let's make that happen.

As simple as if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

2010-06-03T17:02:00.000+08:00

I'm going for the housekeeping position at Fairmont Hotel this SYOG period. Let's pray hard that everything will go on just fine. Training tonight. Let's practice well for this Saturday's show.

& as what I've learnt, "Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm." - Sir Winston Churchill.

2010-06-02T23:53:00.003+08:00

Had dinner at Shiraz's Clarqe Quay with dearest cousin. After so long, my treat alright. And since she was hungry, rather than spend it on Sheesha, town makes a better place. Thanks to her as well for accompanying me all the way to Yio Chu Kang CC for some dikir barat admin matters. With that, Kelana Purba's and Wahana Deksu's supporters for Mega Perdana 2010 Finals will be at the grand stand. Everything settled. For now, let's work together towards finals! Nothing much happened lately. Not for anyone to know anyway. PIC test just now was okay. Gosh! And, it's been more than a week. I'm still not recovered fully. Sigh. Dikir barat training this week. Not forgetting, NDP 2010 training as well. Another busy year for me. Whatever it is, let's thrive this. Good night earthlings!

2010-05-28T22:16:00.004+08:00

I have been on medical leave since Monday and till today, I'm not yet recovered. Sigh. I'm coughing too hard. Trying to let all phlegm out. Such an irritant. Training last night and only six came. It was more of a jamming session. Not to forget, Bedok CC's cultural show tomorrow. Since Amalia is busy with her production, I'm taking over her responsibility for attendance taking at the moment. Prior to further notice. & SHREK on Wednesday night with Deean, brother and gf was SPLENDID! Went to Marina Barrage last night. And surprisingly, after such a long time, the kite flew up. And as usual, Sang's the furthest. Thanks to his 1.5km reel. I really hope I shall recover fast. I need my health. Oh, and my attendance is simply wondrous.

Since I haven't been talking a lot about gf and people are thinking that I don't seem to care, heck to all of you because I personally do. And to those who think she skips school because of me, let me give you a knock really hard on your head because I still go to school. And the aftermath is, it's her choice because it's her life. Thank you. I'm not a picky gf and I'm not a nosey one too. As long as she's okay, I will go along with her decision. Vice versa. Because of what I know, it's for the best of both of us. She's at work right now and I have been waiting for her sms since I do not know when. Take good care of yourself because I love you.

& Sriwayuni made me say this. I miss her.

2010-05-23T16:12:00.006+08:00

As much as I thought I could handle so many accounts at one go, I can't. For that, I've deleted my Tumblr for I see no purpose in it. I'm trying to be a good student by doing up my Events and Catering Management Project on a Sunday. Been going out the whole week so I guess, let's just stay at home for this weekend. Karaoke, meet ups, slacking, dinner, town and everything was so fine the past days. And guess what, 2050 happened to be 1st prize again for last night. Twice in a week. Oh well, I don't think playing 4D is a good idea.

Met up with Dian, Shikin and Shikin last night. We went to Al-Ameen at Woodlands for dinner. All was so confident and proud enough that they weren't hungry. Sekali makanan dah datang, amek kau! Definitely a good deal for $19.90. Not forgetting, additional of teh bekal. A great night spent after so long. Planning of a picnic cum bond together this coming Saturday. So why not, we all make it happen? Alright love ones? Not to forget, training resumes next week. And of course, I miss my girls. Hope you've had a good rest. I can't seem to wait for Wahana Deksu's new logo. Shall renew my passport asap. Why not I make it tomorrow? Wondrous.

Anyway, results for Mega Perdana 2010 Semi-Finals ; the last competition that I participated in.

1. Wahana Deksu - 390 markah
2. Srikandi Tiara Widjaya - 363 markah (setelah ditolak 10 - lirik lewat)
3. Dang Anum - 345.5 markah
4. Jala Sutera 2 - 338 markah
5. Dwi Durrah - 337.5 markah (setelah ditolak 5 markah - 11:06)
6. Endang - 337 markah
7. Balqis - 319.5 markah
8. Wayan - 313 markah
9. Nira Nyertika - 309.5 markah
10. Dhiya' - 297.5 markah (setelah ditolak 10 markah - 11:41)
11. Ayunan Dewi - 297.5 markah

Paluan Terbaik

1st - Balqis
2nd - Endang
3rd - Dang Anom

Juara Terbaik
1st - Srikandi Tiara Widjaya dan Wahana Deksu
3rd - Balqis

Karut Terbaik
1st - Srikandi Tiara Widjaya dan Wahana Deksu
3rd - Jala Sutera 2 dan Endang

Awok-awok Terbaik
1st - Wahana Deksu
2nd - Srikandi Tiara Widjaya
3rd - Dang Anom

Senikata Terbaik
1st - Wahana Deksu
2nd - Dwi Durrah
3rd - Srikandi Tiara Widjaya

Tahniah. Berikut merupakan urutan persembahan kategori wanita di peringkat akhir kelak.

1. Dang Anom
2. Jala Sutera 2
3. Dwi Durrah
4. Srikandi Tiara Widjaya
5. Wahana Deksu

Next up, Mega Perdana 2010 Finals and, my TP :D

2010-05-09T01:33:00.000+08:00

Norashikin Binte Sidek ♥

2010-05-02T22:57:00.004+08:00

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you. From deep down my heart, I love you Kimo.

2010-04-27T23:59:00.007+08:00

Cousin! Belikan aku rokok Viceroy Menthol kay next time? Legally with your Identification Card please! Haha. Okay, your turn to book your Basic Theory Test for driving! GO! Lol. Sumpah aku super rindu kau. Meet up soon. We grew up together, and I'm glad we made through our 18th year. Change is the only constant and for that, aku pretty sure tak lama lagi masing-masing dengan hidup sendiri. Whatever it is, rintangan kecik-kecik ini semua tak akan separate our relationship.

Happy Legally 18th Birthday! Cantik tak dress aku belikan untuk kau? ;P

2010-04-08T14:16:00.001+08:00

Be right back.

2010-04-07T23:41:00.000+08:00

My Tagged and Facebook is full of fun. I'm enjoying life and my last few bits of holidays. I'm going back to school being in Year 2. And I can't wait to see my juniors. And proud to have Nur Iwanina as one of them. HAHA! And, I love my companions who have been with me all these while. Okay I'm done here. Anyway, I can't wait for TP! Damn the boredom of Blogger, I'm going on hiatus again.

2010-04-06T03:40:00.005+08:00

2010-04-01T00:35:00.005+08:00

APRIL'S FOOL!

Cousin texted me saying, "Ano! Aku dlm ambulance otw to cgh.. Pukinye kerete hit me.. Ive called my mum.. She otw."

I replied, "April's foooooooooooooooool! Hahaha."

And she went, "Cb! Bye."

Had two April's fool MSN conversation and this is the end product. (click to enlarge)

It's not a good thing to be fooling others but I felt elated for what I have done. And this cheekiness of mine managed to let me see the truth! Hee. Love each and everyone of you ♥

2010-03-31T08:12:00.003+08:00

Okay. I'm up so early and I think I'm like the first ITE student who checked the e-student even before 8am for my results. And yes, it's released at 7.57am instead. Okay fine, it's a little silly of me but I think it did boost my mood and everything since I have been down the past days. Cause this clearly shows that I need not concentrate on anything else besides my studies, besides myself. As simple as that.

I'm taking my final step to my driving license in a few days' time and I shall not disappoint myself anymore. I want to get my ass driving my own Toyota Axio cause it's pointless for mum to have offered me her car but I have got no license you see. By then, I think I want to turn bold, as bold as I can be and fuck all of you who have been toying with my feelings the past months or even years.

To people who do not accept me for who I am and have been looking down on me just because I do not fit in into your kind of people. For those who have been complaining I have got no sense of fashion at all. And to those who have been coming back to me for my wealth and money only of late. I think you need some sense knocked into your head. Because why? I don't get money so easily and I'm working my ass off to support myself.

Anyway, I met up with bestfriends last night and I love them very much. But I'm sad cause I didn't manage to meet cousin.

Thank you very nice. Good morning Earthlings.

2010-03-30T04:54:00.002+08:00

I want you to know that it doesn't matter. Where we take this road, someone's gotta go. And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better but I want you to move on so I'm already gone. Looking at you makes it harder but I know that you'll find another that doesn't always make you wanna cry.

2010-03-29T18:25:00.005+08:00

That's something only love can do.

The day you finally decide to love me will be the day after I have given up on chasing you.

2010-03-28T03:14:00.001+08:00

I thought I fought my ego too well. But discovered tonight, no I did not. I should not be feeling sad at all. But I just do not know why, I kept on crying tonight. The whole family went off to Malaysia. And I'm better off to be alone. I never thought of feeling this way but it seems like it just happened. You know, like you have been holding on to something for too long and when it's not worth it, you just got to let it go crashing really hard on the ground. I was reading about the 'Strawberry Generation' on the newspapers when out of a sudden, a newly bought Nike slip on seems super ugly for me that I feeling like throwing it away right this moment.

Perhaps I'm being too fussy here. Or maybe the fact that I need to learn to appreciate? I do not know which is which. Sigh. Sometimes I feel like I obviously look forward to just the expensive and nice goods that I tend to neglect where I come from and how long do I need to stay in that manner. It may not be a good thing for a character but on my side, I think people got to accept me for who I am at the same time. I do not know how to judge myself but at the same time, I do not want people to judge me. Let's just conclude I have an extremely huge ego.

Okay fuck, I do not know what I'm typing about tonight.

2010-03-22T23:32:00.003+08:00

I met up with the most wondrous circle of friends last night. Friends whom I know has made a big difference to my life, friends whom I know will catch me before I fall. The time spent with all of you was remarkable. My great exaltation to have met Didi, Mus, Kecik, Zee, Mira, Mash, Mun, Bo and Ida. From KC, to Bedok and and all the way back at Tampines. Last week was more of a meetup with majority of them. And everything seems so right.

I'm not trying to forget my past and totally forget where I came from but then again, things are not going to stay as wonderful as it seems to be forever. I dislike to be the one drowning in my pride. Because it posseses immorality to me for not having the courage to pick up and move on. And for that, I shall set the boundary between us and screw it up in my head that you are not the girl who's worth my sincerity and honesty. Oh, not you.

Yes, you. I did escape myself from you because I had to. You know, it's not the most vulnerable thing for me to do to be falling in love with you when you are in a relationship with someone else. Everything back then seems too perfect for us. You had the sweetest smile when I last saw you. Too bad, we're nothing now. However, do keep in mind that you have came in to my heart and made a great difference to my life, both good and bad. I couldn't bear to leave. Nor could I bear to stay. You understand me just too well. I need not explain things further. Just so you know that I have not move on ever since. I love you Hasheezah Sarafina Z.

So I write you name across my heart and proclaim it to the stars above.

2010-03-18T23:26:00.006+08:00

Since I badly need a new stud, I've bought myself the black one. Went karaoke last evening with Diyanah, Rimah and Apan at Grandlink. Though I reached there late, I enjoyed the company of my lovely classmates! And just like what Rimah had said, "I need another round of karaoke spree!" Anyway, I had some job to do the whole of yesterday. Cause of that, I was late for the meetup! I was given the opportunity to accompany Arifah over to Wellington Primary to teach some basic percussion instrument to the kids. Definitely, it was a marvellous experience for it's my first time doing this kind of thing. We were fed with bananas after lunch. Okay, it was more of a self service thing. Though it was just the both of us, it was one hell of a great time spent! And the end product of the kids, are from us. My greatful big thank to Kak Aishah for allowing me this opportunity. And yes, I'm back to training tomorrow.

Headed off to chalet during late night. The most wonderful thing I did was, to sleep upon reaching. Guess what? I only wake up in the morning when the rest are making a move back home. Easy said, I went to chalet just to catch my rest. Worst, I totally ignored my handphone though I had a lot of messages coming in. Reached home at about five and slept again. The next thing to know was, it's nearing five in the evening that I'm awake again. Gosh, super bad! Met up with Mun and Bobo over at Geylang. Had some Chicken Rice and off to Bobo's crib. Had some chat to catch up things with them. Proceeded back to Tampines and for now, home again. Meeting up with Didi and company after training tomorrow night. Oh, I can't wait! And I'm so enjoying my holidays for I deserve this long break.

2010-03-16T23:44:00.001+08:00

Heck that. I went to chalet last night and it was awesome. Life can be both good and bad. Oh well, who cares. My all this while supposed to be positive mind has turned really ugly and for now, fullstop. I think it's time to really enjoy and forget all sorrows. Eventhough it's my life that I'm risking. And my feelings that I'm sacrificing. Thing is, people doesn't even appreciate. Hence, why bother? I want to thank my lovely friends who have been listening to my rants the past few days. Because I need that listening ear, pretty much. Kite flying the other day at Marina Barrage was awesome. There's an upcoming competition anyway. And guess what? The lights are in stock! Talking about in stock, I'm yet to receive my tees which I bought online last week. Hello Michy, please hurry up with that supplier of yours. Because I need those clothes, badly. Anyway, it's kind of late to be saying this but holidays are here! And mine's a little longer. Cause it's till next month. By then it would be, "Hello Year 1s." Results are yet to be released. Whatever it is, I've enjoyed my 1st year in college all well. Noticed something of late anyway. YOG 2010 hasn't been contacting. Prolly because I didn't attend the last urgent meeting they had at NYP? Next month will be a MENDAKI talk at College East, I think. Now I'm going to forget everything about school and start afresh again next month.

Now all well about myself. Things doesn't seem great lately cause I got into fights and quarrels all the time. Financial is currently a little tight cause I keep needing money for my ciggarettes. Worst, a pack cannot last me for up to a day. Lets just put it as a few hours? Some things are killing me inside. But then again, I chose to ignore all the hurt that I felt cause more or less, maybe it's just me. I don't have the right to control. Nor do people have the right to put the blame on me. You know, some things are just not meant to be. But then, you just cannot run away from it. I do not know how to phrase this. But it's like, sometimes I feel like I'm being used. It's definitely not a great thing to be facing and experiencing in life. For one moment I'm extremely happy for what I'm living on to, but another, I feel like I'm at the very end of the world trying my best to revive. And that no one is helping. Does that even make sense?

I've hurt too many girls at one go. But the main question is, have these girls ever spared a thought about my feelings in the very first place? I'm not trying to take revenge. It just happened.

2010-03-15T20:31:00.000+08:00

You're too cute to resist. I miss you baby! ♥